Scrumptious Bone Bread

By: Jeff Strand

Star Rating:



Spoiler Disclaimer


Tommy, the taxidermist, is visited at his shop by his dim friend, Andy, who's a fan of the story of Jack and the Beanstalk, particularly the part where the giant threatens to grind up Jack's bones to make bread. Andy wants to give this a try and has already killed someone, but can't figure out how to get the bones out of the body and wants Tommy's help. Tommy reluctantly agrees, but when Andy's lack of preparation causes a rift, Tommy's ready to leave until Andy tries to blackmail him. Then Tommy can't help wondering whether Andy had a novel idea and decides to try it for himself with unexpected results.


"Scrumptious Bone Bread" is a stand-alone short story about Tommy, a taxidermist who is a little strange. His even stranger friend, Andy, who clearly isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, comes into Tommy's shop. He's gotten it into his head that he wants to find out what it would be like to crush up a person's bones and use them like flour to make bread. He's already killed a woman for this purpose, but he can't figure out how to get her bones out of her body and wants Tommy's help. Tommy reluctantly goes along with it, but when he realizes just how inept of a criminal Andy is, he decides he out, except that Andy then threatens him. This leads to more murder and mayhem, and Tommy giving Andy's idea a try for himself with unexpected results.

This story was pretty well-written, but a little too gruesome for my taste. The whole idea of chopping up bodies and cannibalizing the bones was simply a bit too stomach-turning for me. However, I was mildly amused by just how dumb these two guys are and by the twist at the end. So overall, not a bad read, just not one that wasn't entirely to my liking. "Scrumptious Bone Bread" can be found in the anthology Blood Lite III: Aftertaste.


Jeff Strand